Got married as a virgin? 7 important things you must know

Even though men can be virgins too and have little or no sexual experience, women are the ones who are mostly spoken about.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin, it is honouring your body and being willing to share it with someone with whom you have a lifelong commitment, but sex can become an issue in marriage among virgins if care is not taken.

Here’s how to make it all seamless;

1. The first time doesn’t have to hurt or be filled with blood

Most women are brought up to think that the first time hurts, even though it might a little and yes, they might be some blood, it isn’t usually extremely painful or filled with blood, if that happens it means the vagina was torn, and it isn’t supposed to be. This is because the vagina expands and it can take a normal size penis effortlessly.

2. Have open conversations about sex

Depending on his or her upbringing, sex might have been shrouded in mystery and shame. You must make him or her comfortable with the idea of having sex. They must see it as totally normal. You can do this through educational videos and books, sexting, sexual video calls, making out and generally talking about sex to remove any feeling of guilt and shame associated with it.

3. Only do it when he or she is comfortable

Do not try to cajole them when they are not ready or talk down on their fears about sex. Instead, allow them to gather as much information about the experience as possible and even be looking forward to it. For a woman, her vagina will never open up when the owner is afraid or unsure. Consent is important and when someone isn’t enjoying sex, then it feels coerced.

4. Both of you need to view sex as a give and take

There are sometimes during sex when your partner likes a style or position but you don’t – a good partnership is taking turns to pleasure each other by doing what the other person likes. What we are saying is switch things up in the bedroom, try different styles and not just you want or are used to.

5. Use lubricant

Not spit, Vaseline or water but actual store-bought lubricant and use it generously. Lubrication makes the process easier.

6. Try it a couple of times

It’s okay if the penis doesn’t go in the first time, it’s okay to try over a couple of times until she gets comfortable.

7. Lean heavily on the foreplay

Penetration is usually not the best part of sex for most women or even the only part of sex. By leaning heavily on the kissing, touching and petting, she becomes aroused enough to engage in penetrative sex.

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